kisah aku... miss black car

Salam.. Aku ni di lahirkan bongsu dari 3 orang adik beradik.. my parents divorced when i was at 18 if not mistaken.. how 2 say ea? i've got mak,ayah,kakak,abg but it seems like i don't... since i was at kid age,i never had a love from my mak.. mak n ayah stay separately because of my ayah working at singapore while i and the rest stayed at my tokwan's house at kelantan... long longgg from my ayah.. quite long we BERTAHAN at that time until ayah decided 2 take us 2 johor bahru.. nearly 2 him i guess.. everything went smooth until i grown up..n understands what life is all about.. i noticed that mak LAIN MACAM.. why i'm saying that?? because what,, mak had an affair with other guy.. called cikgu basri.. i know him.. he used 2 teach mak driving.. but i don't understand why his picture ada dalam wallet mak? no ayah's picture..me as well.. only kakak,abg n his picture!! wtf!! see...how my mak don't love me.. i don't know why..at that time i was only at age 11 or 12 maybe..i forgot.. kakak n abg putih like ayah... me at that time so ugly.. hitam,selekeh,rambut kerinting mcm org asli.. i remember my abg said... "kau ni bukan anak mak n ayah,kau ni anak tong sampah..that's why la kau lain dari abg n kakak..hahahahaha" is that joke?! Hmmm..hard 2 live with no love from your family..i was thingking 2 run n built my own life outside there.. but i was like... sabar..sabarrrrr.. n now salah aku ke if aku benci mak aku sendiri? panjang kalau aku nak cerita... i think she's not qualified at all 2 be a mother! a gud mother.. aku simpan rasa ni dalam2 dalam hati ni... n cuba berbaik n buang dendam demi family ni..tapi aku hipokrit! aku masih belum boleh lupa.. aku ingat semua... mak dh tua.. dah ada step father pun but aku masih simpan rasa ni.. sampai bila?? no one knows.. i hope i can throw away this feeling.. berdosakah aku??